All votes have been counted, the judges have conferred and the result has been ratified: the Prime Minster, for now at least, is still the Nemesis of the Numpties – Christopher J Luxon!

As the applause dies down, let us reflect that not everyone’s a winner – those who thought they could rig the vote, dimple the chads and game the system have been found out and have paid the price. Okay, one bloke got fired and the rest… well, they must live with their consciences, which – since they’re politicians – don’t take up much room or make a lot of noise.

Back to the Contest of Wills. As regular listeners will know, this was the second time the PM has laid his credentials on the line and faced up to the competition. “Come on,” he might have said. “If you think you can take this mantle from my shoulders, not to mention the spectre, the orb and the extravagant accommodation allowance – give it your best shot.”

And for the second time no one fired. No one even turned up with a weapon, despite the rumours that several had renewed their firearms license just for the occasion. At the lengthy post-Caucus press conference, a few in the back tried to give the impression they were actually just biding their time but most onlookers could see they’d bottled it.

A buoyant Luxon spoke at length about dreams, aspirations, the future, and how that was looking really good. But enough about him, he said, what’s in it for New Zealanders? And then he left the stage, as he had a government limo waiting to take him to the airport where, no doubt, a gold-plated RNZAF jet fighter would whisk him off to a National Party bbq at Millbrook.

Later, during a scheduled interview with a non-journalist on a non-broadcast podcast, the PM might have said he found the process invigorating. “It’s good to clear the air,” he went on. “And the cobwebs, and those who think they’ve got what it takes to run the country but haven’t a clue about running a business. In fact, I’ll be doing it each Monday from now until we win the election, whenever that is. It’ll keep everyone on their toes, and me in the pilot’s seat.”

• A. G. O’Groffy has had a lengthy career in profiling the rich, the powerful and the overly self-confident. Before joining the WWNews team he was best known for his three-volume biographical treatise “Attila – was he misHunderstood?” and the size of his tab at Bellamys.