The big story of the weak has been, of course, the Coup that never was. The PM got wind of a possible coup and, being a man of action who gets on with the business of running the country as his words scrabble about in the dust behind him, decided to stop it in its tracks. He summoned all those he suspected might be behind a leadership challenge – or, as we like to call them, the entire National caucus – to an urgent meeting to sort things out.
While the entire National caucus was flying to Wellington, the entire national press was speculating and theorising as to who the front-runners of any such challenge might be, coming up with Erica, Chris, Mark, Nicola, another Chris, and Stuart Nash.
The caucus arrived, went through the press gauntlet professing to a person how happy they were with everything and all, disappeared into Room 101 and came out three minutes later to stand shuffle-footed behind the PM as he announced there was nothing to see here, there was never anything to see and there wouldn’t be anything to see in the future.
And then, the entire National caucus filed past the entire national press repeating the mantra “I completely support the Prime Minister”. So that was that.
Although it needn’t have been that, if perhaps Maiki Sherman had still been there. Because she alone might have asked the supplementary: “Which Prime Minister? The one that scared you into submission or the one you would have supported had he or she been game enough to stick their hand up and not capitulate like the craven gutless cowards you are?”
You can’t blame some of them for being a bit gun-shy. Mark Mitchell for instance has had experience with this kind of thing before. In 2018 he entered the leadership race after Bill English quit, pulled out before the vote and endorsed the winner (Simon Bridges), for which he was rewarded with Justice and Defence.
Two years later, he put his name on the ballot against Judith Collins but forgot to pull out in time, losing the ballot, and a Ministership. Only a fool would try again, surely. Much better to say you’re right behind the Prime Minister but leave out “whoever that might be”.
Mitchell was making headlines all of his own during the week as the Naidoo affair was revisited. Regular listeners will know that Superintendent Rakesh Naidoo resigned from his job with the Police to become a Labour candidate in the election. There was shock horror all round and Mitchell, as Police Minister, was particularly outraged because the Super had only given three days notice of his intentions to put his name forward for candidate selection.
Two months and an OIA request later, it turns out Naidoo had let the bosses know about his plans several weeks earlier, which prompted an apology to him from senior police and a “3 day, 3 weeks, what’s the diff” response from the Minister. He may have had other things on his mind though. Like who the PM might be that day.
While we’re on about OIAs, another salient fact that had failed to make the cut was revealed last week, this time about the LNG terminal business. You know, the one where shipping gas from the other side of the world to tanks in New Plymouth will make electricity much cheaper for you common folk.
Except it probably won’t. MBIE produced a report to back the government’s $265m/year savings pitch for the $1b+ terminal, but left a bit out, which said that LNG access “shouldn’t materially affect average electricity prices”, consultant speak for “won’t save the kind of money Shane Jones reckons”. It’s the kind of slip anyone could make, especially if they were trying to make a case for something that really needs a cage, like a white elephant
The Matua himself has been strangely silent on that and other things, which would ordinarily be a blessing. It’s due no doubt to the urgent matter of finding other parties willing to join NZFirst in a coalition government at the next election, given that Labour, the Greens and National have all said they don’t want to.
The Great Leader came out fighting, claiming that NZFirst wouldn’t work with any of them either and had in fact thought of it first so there, before going back to refusing to apologise for something he had no need to apologise for.
The good news for NZ First is that Opportunities would be happy to consider forming a coalition with them. Opportunities is happy to consider forming a coalition with anyone, and as recent polls have put them neck-and-neck with New Zealand First, they are seriously in a potential kingmaker or coalition-influencing position.
That is, of course, until they come up with some actual policies apart from the feel-good universal benefit concept that has worked so well in the past for parties like Social Credit. There’s still time. Maybe gun laws. Or free cigarettes for under-5s, to reduce the need for kindergarten lunches. The sky’s the limit.