With the General Election less than three months – and 6 Question Times – away, the National-led Coalition Government has its foot to the floor, cruise control set to 11 and regenerative braking switched right off as it carries out its pledge to the people of making life easier for others to do business here. Winning elections has never involved so much good honest hard work.
The Government has already made great inroads – but no actual roads, just saying – into freeing up farmers and big business from the onerous task of complying with outdated laws on keeping waterways and pastures neat and tidy.
“Pointless bureaucracy,” Minister Andrew Hoggard described the Freshwater Farm Plan which was supposed to have taken effect earlier this year but has been pushed out to ‘27 (century tbc).
The Minister said the putative extension “ensures farmers won’t spend time and money complying with old rules when better ones are on the way,” but wouldn’t be drawn, or even photographed, on when those better rules might arrive, or even what they might be about.
Also on the waiting list for better rules is the Gisborne Regional Council’s approach to clearing up forestry slash and sediment. Asking the people who made it to take responsibility for it is unfair, declared more Ministers, and simply too tough on good honest multinational strip deforesting operators. Instead, they are thinking about appointing a facilitator to look into the process for allowing businesses to operate efficiently while not decimating too much more farmland and townsfolk, hopefully.
In the meantime, it’s business as usual. And that’s good for business.
Riffing on the theme of what’s good for business is quite possibly good for the rest of the country, the Government has moved to expand the “let’s just wait for better rules” system into other areas of legislation, with the formation of new government entities – the Ministry for Eventually and the Department of Good Intentions.
The Minister is yet to be named but is rumoured to be not Chris Penk. In his/her/their absence, official spokesperson Lila Lyrapansonfyre has given WWNews a heads-up on what the new laws will look like.
“We’re not actually using the term law any more,” she told WWNews. “We’re calling them ‘Gentle Suggestions for Existing’ with a core tenet of ‘Promising to do better one day’. The idea is if we don’t have any crimes on our books, there won’t be any criminals, meaning less strain on the justice system.”
Under the new regime, people will no longer be prosecuted for parking over the posted limit or for murder, for example. “Time limits will still apply,” Ms Lyrapansonfyre said. “But we will be asking all offenders to agree that they will consider whether they may change their approach in future.” The term offender will also disappear, to be replaced by interested party.
In line with standard government enthusiasm for instant change, the new Ministry’s teams will oversee the redrafting of most legislation in line with the new policy over the weekend, for introduction and first to third readings on Tuesday. The Governor General flies in from ski-ing in the Andes on Wednesday night with three hours for packing before heading off to dinner at Balmoral on Friday, so there’s time to get the bills signed into law then.