In a shock move that relegates the Iran War and Miley Cyrus to page 17, the ACT party has announced that its commitment to road safety will be a major part of its election platform.

Part of that policy, unveiled by ACT’s transport spokesperson Simon Court, will see no more National Land Transport Fund money provided for “non-functional art, monuments, and decorative amenity features” on roads.

“These things can be dangerous,” Mr Court might have said. “Large giant cast-iron dinosaurs appearing out of nowhere can be hugely distracting for motorists, particularly if they’re trying to find an app on Car Play, and – crucially – they’re expensive.”

ACT says fuel taxes and road-user charges should pay for roads, and driveways to lakeside lodges, and denies any suggestion that its approach is Philistine. 

“As Oscar Wilde* once said ‘a cynic is someone who knows the cost of everything’,” Mr Court probably said. “And that’s something we in the ACT party try to do consistently across the board.”

The ACT party is not against art, Mr Court may have asserted, strongly. “We love art. Most of us have art in our own homes, often something classy from the Franklin Mint.”

In fact, he himself has a very special piece of art he purchased at a market in Waipukurau. “It’s a tableau of cabbage patch dolls depicting a pivotal moment in New Zealand politics – and the birth of our Party – with Roger Douglas floating the NZ dollar and beginning the free-market reforms that have worked so well.”

ACT political signage has never been classified as art, so will be exempt.

_{*A spokesperson for the spokesperson later confirmed to WWNews that Oscar Wilde had been approached to stand as a candidate for ACT but due to scheduling difficulties had opted to stand down, recommending Paul Henry in his place.}