Graves damaged in wake of election

Graves at opposite ends of the country have been found in a seriously damaged condition, a situation that initially baffled police and scientists.

On the morning after last week’s general election, a grave in the cemetery of the South Canterbury town of Waimate was discovered in a terrible state.

“The grave was in a terrible state,” Det Snr Sgt Will Fynderbugger told WWNews. “It looked like someone had gone crazy with a digger and chewed the whole plot up. But there were no tracks anywhere and all the diggers in the district were locked up safe in their owner’s lounge rooms.”

To make matters even more confusing, DSS Fynderbugger said, reports were coming in of a similar incident at Auckland’s Bastion Point. “It was a memorial thingy this time,” he said. “But similar M.O – ground all churned up, coffin upside down but intact, and no sign of a digger, or even a shovel, I mean spade.”

Police called in a team of scientists who were at first equally flummoxed. But they soon made a breakthrough. “We checked the names on the tombstones and all became clear, in a startling and crystalline way,” DSS Fynderbugger said. “Up north it was Michael Joseph Savage’s memorial thingy, while down here the grave belonged to Norman Kirk. So we reckon it’s just a simple case of excess spinning. Case closed.”