RNZ appoints new CEO, will concentrate on core business

Former state wireless broadcaster RNZ has announced it has appointed Nigel Farage, former head of NZFirst’s UK franchise, to the role of CEO.

“We’re delighted that Mr Farage was able to accept our offer at such short notice,” RNZ head of media relations Chris Tilset told WWNews. “Not only does it fill a vacancy we, including the incumbent, didn’t know we had but it means that RNZ can look to a bright new future full of promise, hope and a cash bar.”

Mr Farage will be charged with turning the ailing former state broadcaster’s fortunes around. In a telexed statement smelling strongly of three pints of Backstabber’s Old Bitter, he wrote that he was looking forward to the challenge.

“By targeting job and programme cuts at New Zealanders only, we can restore this once great iconic institution to something resembling her former glory without any of that pesky substance, something I myself personally have had much experience of doing,” Mr Farage wrote.

RNZ’s media guy Chris Tilset then went on to explain that the company planned to cease its radio operations completely by the end of the year in order to concentrate more better on the company’s core business,

“Studies have show that fewer people are listening to the wireless. And while some people still watch the little green lights flicker, our consultants tell us that most people probably might prefer to get their up-to-date information and the latest pop music hits in a timely, easily accessible fashion that doesn’t involve an onerous chore like just listening.”

Mr Tilset pointed to the worldwide proliferation of online gossip blogs run by schoolchildren in Tennessee as an illustration of how most people got their newslike content these days. “RNZ will cut and paste from sources all over the world to make sure New Zealanders have a raft of informationish material at their disposal, which is probably the best place to put it. And we’ll put up a link to Radio Woodville’s live stream, so they will be able to hear all the hits until the cows come home, which is when the announcer has to get back to the farm.”

Chris Tilset denied that this increasing use of the Internet has killed radio. “No, that’s something RNZ has done it all by itself.”

Mr Farage is expected to take up the position in August. If he survives, he’ll join RNZ in October.