Shane Jones may have resigned; School lunches still on menu: Tax cuts for all, unless you need ‘em
All in all, it’s been a good couple of weeks for the National coalition gummint.
The Minister of Obfuscatory Circumlocation, Shane Jones, has hinted he may be leaving Parliament, suggesting last Wednesday in the House that the grown-ups were now in charge. If it’s true, he’ll be no small loss to the government benches. Or even a big one.
ACT leader and deputy PM in waiting (good luck with that) David Seymour has announced that his plan to deprive school children of nourishing lunches will not be going ahead in its present form. Sushi, tapas and vegan steak tartare (okay mashed beetroot – yum) will still be off the menu, replaced with bread and fish paste sandwiches accompanied by sawdust and mock fruit muesli bars.
The meals will be prepared in a central kitchen – the People’s #17 Catering and Tractor Assembly Collective in Murmansk, Russia – at a cost of no more than 35c per portion, and sent by drone to participating schools. “We look forward to a reduction in the rates of scurvy and rickets, along with an increase in patriotic fervour,” an ACT spokesperson said.
Finance Minister Nicola Willis gave a strong hint that tax cuts would be delivered in the forthcoming Budget in a speech to the business community having a free breakfast on the taxpayer last week. “We aim to put more money in the pockets of those who have all their other pockets filled with money they didn’t really earn either,” she is thought to have said.
And in crime, the Police Minister has announced a new policing team to deal with gangs.
This follows hard on the heels of other policies aimed at dealing with gangs, such as threatening to impound motorcycles, threatening to ban items of clothing and watching glaringly as gang members ride motorcycles at speed through kindergartens while wearing gang-branded clothing.
“National wants gang members to leave gangs,” the Minister said. “And if these measures don’t work, although there’s no reason they shouldn’t, we still have one ace up our sleeve.”
That ace, called “Asking Nicely”, is due to roll out in September.
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