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Surprise deal: Internet Party members to get into Heaven before JWs

queueDM2011_468x338In a deal that knocks their Mana alliance right off the front page of the Whacky Ideas Gazette, the Internet Party has announced an arrangement with an as yet unnamed organisation that will see its members getting preferential entry to Heaven, according to a partly spokesperson.

“Details have yet to finalised,” Selma Solfakash told WWNews in an exclusive behind the dumpster briefing. “But I can tell you that we have secured a special deal that will see IP members getting through the Pearly Gates ahead of everyone else. Those 144,000 Jehovah’s Witnesses and the caucasian Mormons are going to have to step aside – we’re coming through!”

The deal, said to be worth quite a bit, is part of an exchange programme that will see IP founder K Dotcom hand over some kitchen items. “He’s not really fussed,” Miss Solfakash said. “It’s only one cup when all’s said and done, and it didn’t go with any of the other stuff anyway. Plus he gets to keep that old shroud which is currently keeping the dust off the foosball table.”

There is no indication yet on the number of other political parties in New Zealand with interest in coat-tailing in on the deal. Senior members of the Jehovah’s Witnesses were unavailable for comment, having been delayed at the house next-door by someone actually interested in reading the Watchtower.

To the weather now and Wellington is bracing itself for a severe influx of media hype following the gusty conditions travelling down the island after devastating a kennel in Auckland. Transpower says it will get power to the half-dozen or so home espresso machines in Devenport still not working by afternoon tea time at the latest.

Please note:  WWNews has outsourced its weather reportage to a Tuatapere-based firm, Tuffett-Tout .  Some teething problems are to be expected. 


  1. Ross McCorquodale Ross McCorquodale 11 June 2014

    Was going really well till the last paragraph. Currently 25,000 electricity subscribers still out in Auckland. I’ve been lucky. By pure blind chance my business and all the others I’ve been dealing with today were reconnected this morning.

    I’ll only give this one a B+…

    • Doug Coutts Doug Coutts Post author | 11 June 2014

      The weather people have been spoken to.

      • Ross McCorquodale Ross McCorquodale 11 June 2014

        Great! Is there no end to your influence? (Apart from LinkedIn…)

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