100,000,000 Americans camped outside overnight in order to cast their vote for the man whose facial tats and steely blues have captured the hearts of a nation.
Before being elected as the world’s most powerful ratbag and just after being caught with a bag of pistols and a gallon of crystal moonshine, Mr Meeks had been offered a lucrative modelling career once he got out of prison. “But like I was like I don’t gots time to wait for that,” he told WWNews through darkened safety glasses. “I am fo’ the here and now. I sees the day and I takes it.”
There will be no formal swearing-in ceremony as profanity is forbidden at Hooterville Penitentiary.