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Expect sweeping changes: PM

Y8535New Zealand’s newly elected Prime Minister for Life John Keys says it will be business as usual when he and his colleagues resume running the country on Monday.

“It’ll be business as usual when me and the boys get back to the office on Monday,” he told WWNews on condition we reveal just how many of the team voted twice in Te Tai Tokerau. “There’ll be the same bullying, cheating, back-door deals and chicanery, but we will divert less energy into trying to cover it up this time round. None, asherly.”

Mr Keys did say however there might be sweeping changes in some areas. “However,” he said. “There will be some sweeping changes. Mrs Collins will now be working closely with the cleaning team.”

The nation’s farmers are applauding the landslide National victory, as legislation previously pending will soon be passed allowing them to build milking sheds on bridges spanning rivers. The Labour party is expected to carrying on with a similar form of action, in their own nest.

To sport now, and TV3’s Lisa Owen has emerged clear winner in the Politician Jostling Stakes, although the stipes are awaiting the results from the obligatory drug tests. Once they’ve all been cleared, they’ll send her the certificate.

A brief look at the weather now and while the outlook may be gloomy there’s a good chance of sunshine on the horizon. Of Orkney. Seeya.


  1. Ross McCorquodale Ross McCorquodale 21 September 2014

    I think Politician Jostling has come of age as a spectator sport. Very entertaining this year. The TAB need to look at it seriously…

    • Doug Coutts Doug Coutts Post author | 21 September 2014

      New TV show – When Pollies Jostle Back.

      • owenmcc owenmcc 21 September 2014

        It would be one-sided. Not enough pollies with spines.

  2. owenmcc owenmcc 21 September 2014

    Imagine if journalists were allowed to compete against the All Blacks. They’d teach them a thing or two on defence. All done without pads.

  3. Peter Ward Peter Ward 21 September 2014

    Farmers building sheds on bridges? You obviously know nothing about the RMA or the Building Act.
    To build anything these days including a deck you have to go through a very rigorous process.
    Under National the conditions have tightened up, all,builders now have to be licensed, you can’t do your own building now.
    Such stupid statements are just that. Stupid.

    • Pam in Wgtm Pam in Wgtm 21 September 2014

      Lol what was that whoosh sound, oh it was the sound of ‘the point’ flying overhead 😉

    • Hell's Bells Hell's Bells 22 September 2014

      Does the RMA also allow humour bypasses, or is that in the health budget? Did you have yours done privately?

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