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Paul Henry to front all media 24/7

reggiecuNew Zealand’s most respected television presenter Paul Henry has been named as the full-time host for all radio and television programmes as well as community newspapers and Countdown flyers, effective nearly immediately.

Speaking exclusively to WWNews from an unnamed planet in the Proctalgia fulgax galaxy, Mediaworks spokesperson Hedy Nickleods said Mr Henry was a perfect fit for the bold new face of media. “He’s as deep as a puddle with no hobbies, passions or fashions to muddy the waters and get in the way of the natural flow of his glibnitude. That’s why the audiences love him – he doesn’t make them spend any more time thinking through the issues than he would himself, which is typically 3.7 milliseconds or the time it takes to adjust his cuffs.”

Ms Nickleods said Henry’s ability to cut through the substance and facts of the matter and head straight for the icing was what set him apart from other broadcasting personalities. “He’s not burdened with the gravitas and intellect of someone like Mark Richardson, or the incisive quick wit of his former co-host Janika Ter Ellen, which can quickly bore viewers who these days have the attention span of a gnat, the metric equivalent of 7.25 Henries,” she said. “Paul’s keenness to move things along and not linger over details or polysyllables makes him the perfect choice.”

Paul Henry’s new show premieres across all forms of the media in early February with, if his previous form is anything to go by, recriminations, sackings and rebrandings in the second commercial break.

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