Following yesterday’s announcement that the world’s longest-running short story adaptation, The Hobbit, will end with a climactic 45 minute battle scene of epic proportions and really cool sound effects, producer Sir Peter Jackson has confirmed he has also cut the last line of dialogue from the movie.
“It’s true,” he told WWNews on condition we sold him the rights to our January 17, 2013 blog which will be turned into a five part gardening series starring talking nematodes. “The very last line has gone. There is no dialogue left. Not a word, nothing.”
Lord Peter of Miramarshire said he felt that having his characters deliver lines was counterproductive to the type of film he was trying to make. “It slows the movie down,” he said. “And it does nothing to advance the storyline or enhance the narrative the way an extended fight sequence involving zombies and giant flying spiders can. Plus, neither Fran or Philippa or I can spell for shit.”
The final episode in the Hobbit trilogy, Which One Are You Again?, will be released in time for Christmas. St Peter is already working on a new in-flight safety video for Air New Zealand’s Auckland-Vancouver flight. A spokesperson for the airline said that passengers will need to be seated an hour before take-off so they can see the whole thing before clearing Customs at the other end.