In simultaneous operations across nine continents (see p6, Global Warming Tragedy) and 17 different countries ,federal agents (assisted by Interpol and the Woodville WI scone adjunct) arrested a number of graphic artists, editors and content compilers while seizing computers and other equipment valued into the millions, or gazillions if converted into drachmas.
At a hastily assembled – i.e all the chairs were facing the servery – press conference at Australian National Police HQ, Detective Senior Chief Inspector Finn Blewlijn said that the raids were the result of a lengthy investigation. “We’ve long suspected that Tony doesn’t look the way he’s portrayed in the media, and this proves it – there’s been an international conspiracy to photoshop him in such a way that he looks a bit odd.”
DSCI Blewlijn said sophisticated software automatically manipulated images of Mr Abbott, reducing the vertical aspect. “It made him look a bit squashed, like a footy ball on its side,” he said. “With elephant ears. As you can see by the photo.”
A spokesofficer for the PM’s office, Fanny Yushed-Minchindat said the scandal was a sign of the times. “Tones does such a good job that it’s impossible to point the finger, so his enemies have to resort to name-calling and dirty tricks. Well, tough. Sticks and stones may break the doctors’ bones but names will never hurt them, I mean him”
Mr Abbott was unavailable for comment, as he was spending the day posing for a nautical supplies catalogue.