Press "Enter" to skip to content

PM buys controlling share in Serco for son

New Zealand’s most popular Prime Minister since records began last Tuesday, John Keys, has announced he will be increasing his share-holding in beleaguered prison operator Serco, and gifting the shares to one of his sons.

At the moment Mr Keys owns a little under 0.00% of Serco which will increase to just over half if the deal goes through, he told a press conference earlier today. “It may seem a little crazy, I must admit, given just how badly the company seems to have performed in recent weeks,” Mr Keys said. “But I’m sure they’re going to turn the business around – all it needs is a good shake up, which I’m sure some of the prisoners will be able to help with!”

Mr Keys said he was confident his son, currently having a pedicure at the Como Shambala Turks & Caicos resort before dining on a selection of fresh Black Rhino testes*, would enjoy the responsibility. “He’s got a pretty level head on those tanned shoulders, plus it will fulfil a lifelong dream – ever since I’ve known him, he’s always wanted a Mickey Mouse outfit.”

Serco management was unavailable for comment, although WWNews received an email denial that they had been gagged.  “It’s just some of the D Wing guys playing with their pillow cases,” the email read.

*left ones only


  1. Jonh MbCthe Jonh MbCthe 28 July 2015

    I don’t for one moment believe that Mr Keys would hand the keys of one of his key investment portfolios to Key junior.

    • Doug Coutts Doug Coutts Post author | 28 July 2015

      Not unless it was locked in good and tight.

  2. Kevin Ward Kevin Ward 5 August 2015

    Perhaps not to the full portfolio, just the john Key (value down the s-bend)

  3. Kate Lang Kate Lang 21 December 2015

    As long as he’ gifting jobs to Serco, it seems like a corrupt scheme worthy of Key.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *