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Kiwi Prime Minister may not stand for fourth term

Former All Black coach and New Zealand Prime Minister John Keys has indicated he may not stand for another term, following a second stormy day in the House marked by shouting, eye-rolling and overly dramatic walkouts. Not just visitors in the public galleries – MPs too got into the swing of things.

Opposition MPs are insisting they were mortally offended yesterday when, during an acrimonious Question Time, Mr Keys accused them of “backing rapists” as he sought to shift blame for the Australian Guantanamo Bay-style debacle back onto anyone else, where it clearly belongs.

john_key_fires_up_over_iraq_decisionAn unapologetic Prime Minister declined to be interviewed, but a spokesperson was able to confirm rumours Mr Keys might not be keen on another term. “He’s been called a shabby little twerp, a scuzzball and, just moments ago, a sorry excuse for a human being who isn’t fit to walk on the ground once bestrode by men of substance and ability,” assistant deputy communications manager Wanda Nowers-Egret told WWNews. “While these terms of opprobrium are bad, the Boss takes them in his stride. But a fourth term of a similar nature may send him over the edge. And you don’t want to see him when he’s angry. Or be within spitting range”

Meanwhile, the beleaguered Speaker David Carter has claimed he may have misheard Mr Keys’s offending phrase. “I thought he said ‘Back to therapists’ indicating the Opposition should have some more psychological help,” Mr Carter told WWNews on condition we help him choose some wallpaper for his new games room at the High Commission in London. “Whether he did or didn’t isn’t for me to judge. Anyway, shouting, name-calling and hands-on-hips pouting are all part and parcel of robust Parliamentary debate and it ill behoves me as Speaker and someone who depends on the Prime Ministerial goodwill for my forthcoming sinecure to get in the way.”

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