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Worldwide outrage shortage threatens social media, NZHerald OK but

Just a few of the tweeters expressing outrage at potential lack of outrage

A series of cave-ins at government-owned outrage mines in China’s Bàoxíng Province has put production on hold, stretching supply lines and bringing exports to a standstill.

With many experts predicting current stocks of outrage will last only another three days, all hopes are pinned on an early settlement of the current labour dispute at outrage plantations in Brazil and Chile, where production workers have been striking for several weeks over demands for quality biscuits at morning tea time.

With demand at an all-time high, the dwindling supply of outrage is expected to have an almost immediate effect on social media, according to Reddit reader Kenny Haffmor-Twisties.

“Without any outrage, Facebook is a bit stuffed,” he told WWNews in an exclusive interview paid for with Domino’s Pizza vouchers. “People will have to go back to cat photos and posting ‘99.9% won’t share this…’ crap. As for twitter™, unless conditions improve and we can find a new source of outrage quickly, I predict mass defections to Neighbourly.”

Content converters at the New Zealand Herald remain unconcerned. Team Leader Jess May-Kittup told WWNews that despite traditional news sources Facebook, twitter and the Woodville Times Argus Reporter Buy Sell & Swap drying up, the Herald had plenty to be going on with.

“We’ve got Polly Gillespie locked in a small room on a short leash scribbling frantically and poking notes under the door,” she said. “That should last us until Christmas at least.” Ms Gillespie, a former radio announcer best known for not leaving a single tawdry detail out, could be wretched for comment.

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