Beleaguered Kiwi Prime Minster Jacinda Ardern has suspended her daily Covid update press conferences, citing communication issues.
“It’s come to my attention that the language I’ve been using up to now has not been received well by some sections of the community,” the PM said. “So in the interests of inclusivity, I’ve instructed my team to dial back on the use of certain terms – like inclusivity – in an effort to better communicate our messaging to people with a reading age above Year 3.”
The Prime Minister said there had been some criticism over the use of phrases such as “team of 5 million”, “be kind” and “we’ve beaten Covid once, we can beat it again”.
“People have a point,” she said. “They’re asking if we’ve beaten it , why is it still here? And there’s no answer to that… well, not one that any reasonable adult would believe.”
“Likewise with the team of 5 million message, some people have suggested that it’s not much of a team if some of the players are trying to kill you. So we will take those suggestions on board and come up with some new catchphrases that will resonate with everyone.”
Asked if she would still encourage people to be kind, Ms Ardern said that was also off the table.
“Why be kind if a single sneeze is going to send you to ICU?” the PM said. “If someone comes close, smash the bastard.”