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Prime Minister announces cabinet reshuffle

Jacinda Ardern, New Zealand’s Prime Minister, has announced a reshuffle of Cabinet positions.

“The credenza will move closer to the window, while the unit with all the posh glasses and cups will be shifted out into the hallway,” the PM quipped. “No, but seriously, because a number of ministers have indicated to me they would prefer to pretend it’s their idea to either spend more time with their families, take a position overseas or run a ministry more suited to their temperament, I will take this opportunity to shuffle deadwood, I mean deckchairs, I mean portfolios.”

Accordingly, Ms Ardern said, Willie Jackson will become Minister of Broadcasting, Chris Hipkins gets Police and Trevor Mallard will take on the inhabitants of some small European country, either single or all together bring it on.

Leader of the Opposition This Week, Chris Luxon, said a cabinet reshuffle would do little to improve Labour’s chances at the next election. He admitted a reshuffle of the shadow cabinet wouldn’t help National’s chances much either. “Unless I can get Trevor to take Goldsmith with him,” Mr Luxon said.

Paul Goldsmith, National Party spokesperson for things that don’t need to be spoken or, if they do, not spoken in the dumb way Paul speaks about them

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