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Former public broadcaster announces new show

TVNZ has announced a brand new reality show which it hopes will bring back viewers lured away by the promise of other reality shows on subscription services. Called The Great New Zealand Reality Television Script-off and produced by Halfbaked Notions/Hamfisted Productions Joint Venture GBH, it’s hoped the show will do for tv narration writing what Masterchef did for our ratings, TVNZ’s senior work experience kid in the PR dept, Wanda Ryallchob, told WWNews. “The public is fascinated by the sometimes mystical making of reality television, as is Mediaworks, and we see this as a great way of showcasing the process as well as desperately trying to find another angle in an already dead format.”

GNZRTSO will feature ten contestants attempting to write scripts for a TVNZ reality show, Ms Ryallchob said. “Obviously we won’t be using a real show, largely because we don’t have any left, but there’ll be a format they have to follow and who knows, if it’s any good we’ll stick Hillary Barry in front of it and try to sell it to Endemol.”

Sophisticated camerawork will capture unguarded moments

Each week the contestants will face three challenges – coming up with thirty seconds of narration to cover a wideshot unrelated to the action to be described, writing two minutes of flowery exposition of their choosing to be cut when the sportsperson reading the script struggles with anything longer than one syllable, and a Showstopper which involves inventing new ways to say “In next week’s show…” One contestant will be eliminated each week, with the others forced to stay on to the bitter end.

Auditions have already been held, with a phenomenal number of entries received, Ms Ryallchob said. “Unfortunately we had to reject nearly all of them as they weren’t related to someone in Mediaworks, or couldn’t get day release. Or both.”

In a surprise twist, two celebrity judges will critique performances and select the non-winning participant each week, although Ms Ryallchob was unwilling to go into specifics. “Let’s just say they’ll be instantly recognisable household names with extensive experience in reading producer’s briefing notes. And good availability at weekends,” she added.

The winner of the Grand Finale, probably someone who isn’t aware Grand Finale is a nonce term, will win, according to Ms Ryallchob, a great prize. “We’re offering the lucky winner a six-month internment, I mean internship on ‘Seven Sharp’, coming up with ratings-winning journalistic coups, briefing lawyers and writing all of Jeremy’s ad libs. There’ll be no actual salary, but it sure will look good on a CV!”

The Great New Zealand Reality Television Script-off has been slated, even before shooting started.

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