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Election campaign hotting up – WWNews weakly update

Labour makes mistakes, ACT bombs out and Luxon smiles benignly

With the election only a number of weeks away, and only two more weeks of exculpatory valedictory speeches left in this session of Parliament, the campaign trail is being hit full-sore.

Labour is making all kinds of promises – removing GST from fresh fruit; vegetables and sackcloth; building tunnels under harbours; buses for all… and extra fuel tax to pay for the buses, tunnels and sustainable ashes for the sackcloth.

Meanwhile, the National Party under Chris Luxon has made its share of promises – keeping GST on everything, not building tunnels anywhere or bus lanes for that matter, and restricting extra taxes to only on things that poor people need.  Luxon has also promised not to ban overseas property investors, saying “I assure everyone we will be acting in the interest of New Zealanders”, with New Zealanders being a handy term for anyone from overseas with lots of money who is able to tell the NZ flag from the Australian one in an open book test.

His assistant leader, Nicola Willis, has spent the last weekly steadfastly refusing to take umbrage at anything Grant Robertson might say, as pretending to care about his state of mind is a surefire way of winning the election.

David Seymour, Leader of and only normal-looking person in the ACT party, wants to bring back Guy Fawkes to help with reorganising the public service. Initially appearing to suggest that it would be a good idea for dissidents to plant kegs of gunpowder underneath government offices, Seymour later clarified his comments saying while it might be an idea it was not necessarily a good one.

Winston Peters is back and looking refreshed, reportedly after a rejuvenating retreat at a health spa in rural Romania.  He is currently touring the country, holding night-time meetings while avoiding church processions, aioli and mirrors.

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