The Great(ish) Whirledly Weakened of the Year Quiz for 2023.

#1. What is the most likely outcome of the National, Act and NZFirst coalition's first 100 days in charge?

They'll claim they didn't achieve anything they'd promised because it wasn't really 100 days as Christmas got in the way and anyway when they said 100 days, well everyone knows they don't mean 100 days in a row.

David Seymour will have discovered a new respect for Winston Peters, around the same time he discovers that it's better being on the wagon than off it.

The NZFirst board of directors will have held secret meetings with Roger Douglas, Richard Prebble, Tau Henare and Tuku Morgan but will deny "sounding them out".

NZ voters will pine for the Good Old Days and start go-fund-me accounts for a statue of Rob Muldoon in front of every council office.

Anyone using te reo will get the strap.

Not quite right, or possibly entirely correct but your answer does not fit our narrative.

#2. What have been the major achievements of the Groundswell movement in rural NZ in 2023

Making the point that water quality is subjective, and no one should be responsible for maintaining standards if they own more than 1000 cows and pump effluent straight into the Waikato river.

Highlighting the plight of all Kiwi farmers who just want recognition that they are the backbone of the country, oh and some tax relief. And if you could bring back SMPs... and stop making slavery illegal.

Annoying the fuck out of people who are tired of nutters, whack jobs, conspiracy theorists and farmers claiming to be the backbone of the country while eviscerating the rest of the carcass.

Tractor drive fast, vroom vroom. Look, Janet, look, John drives his tractor to Parliament and doesn't even wash the cowshit off first.

Sorry. That’s what they claim to have achieved. What they actually achieved was to annoy the WWNews editorial team beyond belief.

#3. “Winston is a great fit in the Coalition” said Christopher Luxon. What did he mean?

When he lies down he stops the draft under the Cabinet Room door.

It was a typo - Luxon meant Peters resembles a small seed-eating bird that has no place in the NZ eco-system.

When Cabinet lines up, Winston provides a handy buffer between Luxon and Shane Jones.

He left out the letters u, c, k, and w.

Some answers are right

While others are wrong

And today you chose badly

#4. How has the National Party demonstrated its commitment to the NZ rail network?

Most National MPs have had tickets on themselves

By keeping the network while slowly running it down, the Nats provide career opportunities for former MPs in road transport industry bodies

Luxon plans to move Premier House out to the Hutt Valley, and close to Pomare Station so he can have an easy commute to the office

Driving businesses out of Auckland’s CBD during the rail upgrades will mean cheap properties for party members to buy.

Oh come on, they’ve sold it off three times already

#5. Did any team of elite NZ athletes, paid for by taxpayers and consumers, win anything of note in 2023?

No

No, but they felt really bad

No, but they felt really bad until the offers to join overseas clubs for a lot more money than they could get paying back to the local community came through

No, but that’s sport. No point in getting all sniffy about it. Jealous much?

Altruism, look it up.

#6. What was the key point of Nicola Willis’s minier than mini budget?

Socking it to Grant Robertson

Blaming Grant Robertson for everything

Keeping Winston away from the media for a few minutes.

Putting New Zealand businesses back on track, a cut to essential services at a time

Sorry, but you can’t keep Winston away from the media.

#7. Suggesting someone is not truthful or accurate, but is malicious and a member of a gang of thugs can result in what?

Your sudden resignation from the board of a broadcasting funding agency.

The furious nodding of heads across New Zealand.

No lessening in someone’s continued and incomprehensible attacks on the media.

An apology and a promise to do better from the Minister of Baubles.

Apology? Chortle guffaw

#8. How does the new government plan to address climate change?

By maintaining current levels of cigarette smoke, a known preventer of other pollutants, in the atmosphere.

By cutting subsidies on EVs, thus reducing the number of them on the roads and as a consequence the number of poor child slaves in African lithium mines breathing poisonous CO2 into the atmosphere as a result of their exertions.

With attempts to confuse and deflect from the issue, including sending Winston out to claim tsunamis are caused by global warming.

By setting up a working party to look into the matter, made up from former National Ministers of Transport and oil company executives.

#9. In March, what was reported in a hospital in New Zealand for the first time ever?

A junior doctor who’d had more than two hours of sleep in the previous month.

A case of Rabies.

A sober person on a Saturday night in A&E.

More frontline staff than administrators.

Really. Rabies. First case ever. And not involving Winston and a reporter.

#10. The Queenstown District Council issued a boil water notice in September, for why?

An outbreak of cryptosporidium.

Just catching up with other rural communities at the mercy of the dairy industry.

Warding off an attack of the glaciers.

Council kitchen staff lost the recipe of making cups of tea

Cryptosporidium – you can catch it from filthy bitcoin.

The Great(ish) Whirledly Weakened of the Year Quiz for 2023.

Results

#1. What is the most likely outcome of the National, Act and NZFirst coalition's first 100 days in charge?

#2. What have been the major achievements of the Groundswell movement in rural NZ in 2023

#3. “Winston is a great fit in the Coalition” said Christopher Luxon. What did he mean?

#4. How has the National Party demonstrated its commitment to the NZ rail network?

#5. Did any team of elite NZ athletes, paid for by taxpayers and consumers, win anything of note in 2023?

#6. What was the key point of Nicola Willis’s minier than mini budget?

#7. Suggesting someone is not truthful or accurate, but is malicious and a member of a gang of thugs can result in what?

#8. How does the new government plan to address climate change?

#9. In March, what was reported in a hospital in New Zealand for the first time ever?

#10. The Queenstown District Council issued a boil water notice in September, for why?

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The Great(ish) Whirledly Weakened of the Year Quiz for 2023.

Results

#1. What is the most likely outcome of the National, Act and NZFirst coalition's first 100 days in charge?

#2. What have been the major achievements of the Groundswell movement in rural NZ in 2023

#3. “Winston is a great fit in the Coalition” said Christopher Luxon. What did he mean?

#4. How has the National Party demonstrated its commitment to the NZ rail network?

#5. Did any team of elite NZ athletes, paid for by taxpayers and consumers, win anything of note in 2023?

#6. What was the key point of Nicola Willis’s minier than mini budget?

#7. Suggesting someone is not truthful or accurate, but is malicious and a member of a gang of thugs can result in what?

#8. How does the new government plan to address climate change?

#9. In March, what was reported in a hospital in New Zealand for the first time ever?

#10. The Queenstown District Council issued a boil water notice in September, for why?

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