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Villedale’s wealthiest man scotches backyard slum

A planned slum development on Villedale’s doorstep has been scuppered, due in part to the region’s richest recluse, former factory owner Lord Stanley Tantrumpino.

The development was to have seen up to a thousand shanty-style dwellings built on a grassed-over disused toxic waste dump and rented at exorbitant prices to beneficiaries and people who don’t know what a fish-knife is for, but ran into difficulties when it was discovered that Villedale’s wealthiest people would be living just over the back fence.

Once word got out, a large number of those who’d put their names down for the chance to go in the draw for a place on the short-list for tickets to the housing lottery withdrew their applications, one saying she might have nothing but at least she had standards.  “I’d rather live in a 1993 Nissan Sentra than next door to those toffs,” Anna (not her real name as our reporter’s pencil broke as he was writing it down) told WWNews.  “Although I’d prefer a Honda Civic for the extra drinks holders in the back seat.”

Without sufficient potential defaulting renters, the developer’s mobile mortgage manager withdrew funding and the developer, local builder and home-kill operative Lee Key-Holmes, was unable to secure other investors.  “It’s a shame, that’s what it is,” Mr Key-Holmes said.  “I’m a local, trying to help out other locals and some other locals don’t seem to appreciate that.  But I have other irons in the fire, especially since the laundry room burnt down.”

Lord Tantrumpino, who made his billions through the innovative use of computerised production line processes and even more innovative employment contract workarounds during the 1990s, was unavailable for comment.

However, according to a person willing to talk about the matter even though they might not be possessed of all, if any, of the facts, Lord T was upset by the outcome and had offered to purchase all the available land himself. “He has plans to put in several native trees and a viewing platform, and will build a large museum to house the many interesting items he has collected in his travels,” the person said. “There will even be an annex to house the thousands of volumes of last week’s to-do list.”

Artist’s impressions of approach to the new Hunker Downs public amenity

Work is expected to start shortly on the approaches to the area, to be called Hunker Downs, with a world-wide razor-wire shortage not expected to cause unnecessary delays to the project.

Published earlier as Villedale man buys suburb to house museum after council refuses to go halvesies.

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